2005 - 2020
I remember every detail about the first day I adopted you in April 2006. You were so tiny at 4 pounds that you almost fit in the palm my hand. You were so rambunctious and ornery and had the cutest little bark.
I remember how you couldn’t go down the stairs at our first home together, just the two of us, and how I carried you everywhere. You grew so fast, you chewed up all the bottom handles on my dressers, you scratched holes in rugs, but it never mattered because you were my good boy.
Oh Rusty, you are lucky you graduated puppy school, due to your stubbornness and absolute refusal to sit or stay, unless it was your decision. You would sit, but only after first turning around to face away from me as your little act of defiance.
We have had so many ups and downs since 2015, battling so many serious injuries and a terrible, horrible disease. Watching you waste away before my eyes the last several months was so painful, but I only ever wanted to do what was right by you, to give you every opportunity to live, and to, selfishly, keep you with me until the last second, as long as you weren’t in pain.
You were there for me though every single tough time in my life. You loved me unconditionally and I loved
you even more than that, and I will continue to love you forever. You saved me me when I was young and clueless about the world. We saved each other. I am so grateful for the 14 wonderful years we shared, but it’s never enough time.
But in the end I couldn’t save you. And I’ll hold the blame and guilt and horror and shame and gut-wrenching pain inside me for the rest of my life. I wanted to be able to tell you goodbye. I wanted to hold you when you took your last breath. I pray with my entire being that you did not experience any pain and that you are now at peace. My life will never be the same without you, my sweet angel, but know that you were my one true love on this earth.