ruby jean laverdure
2009 - 2022
On Sunday, 6/26, my best friend, my little girl, my sweet Cocker Spaniel baby Ruby left this Earth realm, and transcended to Heaven to be with and guided over by the Creator, my Papa, and my uncle Steve. My uncle Jim, my uncle Gary, my uncle Pete, my uncle Hank, my aunt Odessie, my aunt Joan + uncle Erv, my aunt Eloise, my aunts Bunny and Belva, my grandmothers Clara and Veronica, my grandfathers Robert and Willi, and all of my other relatives, friends, fur babies, and guides on the other side will also be there to welcome and love her.
In January of 2010, I was given this precious little bundle of fur to love, guide, protect, and invite into my family. My mom and I drove through a (no travel advised) snow storm from Fargo to a small town in Minnesota a few hours away from our house to pick her up. I had sent her foster family a pink and white blanket with unicorns and princesses on it to give to her a few weeks prior so that Ruby would have something warm to wrap up in, and so she could have the scent of her new home to be. It must have been 50 below at the gas station meeting spot, but as soon as I saw those sweet little curly floppy ears, long lashes, and big brown eyes, my heart melted and it felt like it was summer.
From that moment on, Ruby had my heart, and I knew it was my duty and honor to love and protect her as best as I could. And for the next 12.5 years, I did just that. Ruby was my world. I took her to puppy preschool when she was just a little peanut, and she lit up with excitement and pride when she completed the tasks the teacher had for her. She loved to learn, and was all wiggles when she was being praised for her hard work. She enjoyed her homemade meals, pebbles, cookies, and never turned down a treat.
She loved irritating her older sister Chloe, and then later giving her kisses to show her she loved her. Just like her human-mom, she loved warm weather and being in the sun, and always needed at least 30 minutes of her sunshine rays in her favorite spot outside on the deck before drinking our breakfast shakes together. When we lived in Florida, she loved walking along the beach with me and could never get enough of chasing the birds. She loved jumping up on the hammock with me to take naps when the weather was nice. When she was younger, I swear she thought she was invincible and would jump from the highest bed in our home and flew through the air like super dog. She adored her squeak toys, especially fascinated with the hide-a-toy sets, and most of all, her ball. She loved animals and humans, and greeted everyone and every creature with a loving wiggle of her tail. She had fun barking at the ducks and ducklings that would come to our porch in Naples. She hated closed doors, and would paw and scratch at it until it was open again. When I started working from home in 2017, she would sit right under my desk for my entire shift with me. When she wanted extra comfort, I would sit on the floor as she curled into a little ball in the protective circle my legs made. Every day I told her that she had gotten cuter than the day before.
I remember the first time she saw a leaf blowing in the wind; her eyes fixated on that leaf like it was the most magical thing in existence, as she was new to this planet, and had never seen anything like it. She watched in wonderment as the leaf danced and gently swirled through the air. I remember how scared she was during her first walk; her first steps out into the big world, she cried and clung to me like a Morning glory to a trellis. I remember at one of our garage sales, I was getting rid of some of my old stuffed animals, and had about a dozen pound puppies in the box for sale. I remember seeing her go in and out of the door that we had propped open from the garage to the house; about 12 or so times, in and out, up the stairs down the stairs. Finally, I went to see what she was doing - she had been saving the pound puppies from the sale, and placing them all into a pile next to her toybox. She chose a favorite from that pile that she played with until she left us, it was the tan one that looked just like her that we called Girl with T-Shirt. I remember when she had her lady surgery, & the vet gave her the cone of shame that she had to wear until her stitches healed. It was springtime, so we had kept the door open. A tiny bird hopped into our house, and proceeded to hop gently up each step. Ruby loved birds (chasing them), but with her cone around her neck, could do absolutely nothing about the event that was playing before her eyes. The bird must have understood this fact, as it just kept hopping up the steps toward my little girl who was perched at the top. They locked eyes, Ruby looked at me, looked at the bird, and back again a few times. It was like the bird was just taunting her at that point as it proceeded to get what would have normally been probably dangerous territory, then just calmly hopped down each step just as it had come up, and then went out the door. She traveled with my family to three different states, and we went on beach vacations together whenever we had the chance. I have twelve and a half warm memories to comfort me, and yet it does not seem like enough.
Although I was her protector & teacher, Ruby taught me so much in her short time here on Earth, about life, about myself, and of the world. She exemplified the meaning of unconditional love. She was pure, bright, shining, smile inducing, heart opening, life changing, infinite and nourishing love.
How can the absence of such a small little creature create such a seemingly endless black hole and empty void of pain and sorrow in my heart, and of my moms. I miss her more than words can adequately describe. I feel like I am suffocating, and silently screaming into the vacuum of space and time. Everything feels colorless, everything tastes like out of tune notes, everything looks like a distorted static tv, and everything sounds like a muted drab artist’s palette. My heart feels like it has been shattered into a zillion pieces, and scattered across timelines. This is not my first fur baby loss, nor my first family loss. At this point in my life, I now know more people in Heaven than I do on Earth. What I’ve learned is that each loss, just as each person, is as unique and nuanced as their souls are. Whether we are grieving a father, mother, grandparent, spouce, lover, child, unborn child, fur baby, other animal pet, friend, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc. - It never gets easier, and we all grieve loss in our own way. I’m not sure even now that I’ve mastered the grief process, I don’t know if anyone really ever does. I can’t imagine my life without her.
If you would like, I ask that you please say a prayer for my little girl; to send her love, peace, and comfort, and to ask her angels to shower her with tenderness and safely guide her along her journey into the afterlife.
I love you Ruby, always and forever, we will always find eachother. I’ll see you again one day. Love is eternal.