Crixus

2012 - 2022

My baby Crixus is gone. My little gladiator had fought so hard and lost his cancer war. Strong, calm, loving, smart, laid back, no fuss loyal friend. He was so patient with me dragging him from doctor to doctor, from one procedure to another, blood test after blood test, surgery, ERs, like he knew and understood that I was doing it because I was scared to lose him. And I was, I so was. I was so terrified losing him it was making me nauseous. The thought of him being gone felt like someone was choking me or like I was drowning and couldn’t catch breath. Some entity from the above kept trying to pull him up and I kept pulling him down holding him by his little feet, looking up and yelling ‘you can’t have him!’….I was chanting every night ‘I don’t leave you - you don’t leave me. I don’t leave you - you don’t leave me’….losing him meant losing my mind.

Crixus loved people so much. Every time when someone walked through the door he was all over them dancing, squalling, wagging tail, howling, smiling, showering people with kisses. He was my treasure. I don’t know how and why I was the chosen one to be blessed with him, but I did everything I could to be worthy of him. He was my protector, my confidant, my lil therapist, I’ve shed a trillion of tears on his chest over the years. He had always kept it together for me, nothing could ever phase him. Even on the very last day, as sick as he was, he got up, came up to me, wagged tail so very weak, like he wanted to show me ‘look, look, I am ok, don’t cry’….and I broke down…..My gorgeous angel died just as strong and quiet as he lived, all that pain and not even a moan. Just sad eyes watching me, like he was more worried that he was making me cry than the fact that he was miserable. There is never going to be another Crixus and my heart will bleed for him forever 💔